For me the last days has been very mixed in some respects.
Let me start with the bad so I may move forth to the good. This morning I, to my opinion, ended up losing my temper with my pet. I am a person who tends to be very reserved in my reactions even when I am losing my temper. I am not a person who typically yells and screams, well in a negative manner directed at the ones I love. I am not proud of this lapse of compsure but in the end it was talked about and resolved. I will also spare the full details of what spurred me to lose my compsure. I will not go into the reasons or details of the entire situation, I will just sum up that there are some things going on in the background that are difficult for me to deal with at this moment and I allowed this to get the better of me and to become more tempermental with my pet than I want to allow myself to be. My pet managed to hit on a few things during the conversation we were having at one point and I allowed my compsure to fall apart in my opinion. I know that pet was attempting to be playful but the combination she hit was at the time more than I was happy to deal with especially after some of the stress of some recent events. This is an unacceptable thing I allowed to happen. I could have just as easily dealt with the situation in a much calmer situation than I initially did. My pet and I spoke of the incident after I had calmed down and we discussed what had happened exactly.
My pet, avi, is not just a kajira but she is also my fiance. Many people may question why such a relationship is the way it is. Well to sum it up the easiest explanation is that it is what makes us both happy and works well for us. There are many things that we are still sorting out as we go along in this relationship. I would not trade her for anything in the world. One thing that is important to us in this style of relationship is the communication that goes far deeper than in a normal relationship. As her Master she places great trust that I put the best intrest of her forth. My pet puts faith forth that I consider the options of any play we do and what her physical and emotional well being will be. Okay I am rambling here so I will drop this part for now and revisit it at a later time when I can dedicate solid thought to this alone.
Two nights pet rode with me on my job. It was wonderful those two nights to have the company, and specifically pets company as I worked. In the last 3 days we have spent together for some time on each and everyone one of them. My pet has made some large strides in overcoming some of the demon’s of her past. Initially I was concerned that she was simply pushing them down but after discussion I see that is not what she is doing which makes me that much impressed with her. There have come many before me that have caused my pet harm that I must now pick up the peaces and help her heal from. I am not angered at my pet for this state of affairs. I am very unhappy to see that someone I find as wonderful and special as pet is to me has been treated so poorly by those in her past that have claimed to love her. My pet has had concerns it seems that she has done a poor job of pleasing me, or less that stellar how ever you want to look at it. I want to state for the record pet always does a wonderful job of pleasing me. Not always may she have been able to do things I have asked of her for the issue’s of her past. Even during those times when I could she wanted to obey and submit fully she has pleased me greatly by telling me that she is unable to comply, and to tell me why she could not. This makes me proud of her because I know that some of the issue’s of her past are hard for her to talk about. I try to be carefull not to push her to hard into speaking of her past to cause her undue stress and heartache. I try to be as understanding during these times for her as I can be. I know she wants to push these limits that have been created by her past. I want to help her heal and move forth from these previous hurts. Given all this seeing her willingness to follow my commands increased greatly during the past few days gives me hope that she is beginning to heal from these past pains. The pet is starting to understand more and more that I do not ask things of her blindly, that I will not leave her unfullfiled and I will always to my best to never harm her physically or mentally in a negative manner intentionally, and that I love her and will do the best I can to shield her from pain and to protect the one thing she has given of herself most freely her heart.
For the past week I have been dealing with some issues that Have been difficult for me to deal with. And over the last few days she has done an excellent job of keeping my spirits high when they wanted to sink, unbeknownst to her before now. The pet kept me laughing and smiling for most of the last 3 days. We have talked about many things and I have seen the depth of our relationship expand. I know during the past few days I have not been the easyist person to deal with and the grace under which my pet has managed it has been nothing short of out standing.
And as a final note she recently got her belly button pierced and it looks very cute on her.
Well my faithful readers I am sorry if this has been a rambling post and a bit hard to follow but thank you for reading
Cheers